Tricks and traps

Games
Why life is all about playing them?
I never play games
I just protect myself
And for some it might seem a game
When it's nothing like this
Well, I've got the blame
It's nothing like this
But then when I open my eyes
There I am
Mixed up in a new game
Well, that's life
People are afraid to be true
But I don't
And I never understand this
So I always believe
Although I just keep everything to myself
It's hard to let go
When you've learned bruises
When you know exactly where it hurts
Even though you keep hoping
My heart it's still not a stone
I keep being the naive girl who believes
But I've learned
Nothing comes so easy
I wish it could
Well, they don't
Life is a cliché of a roller coaster
And once we throw ourselves on it
There's no way back
So open your eyes, live
The ride is short
Abeit knowing all of this
I'm still afraid
The trying of being right always becomes the wrong
And when it starts
You will never know where to stop
Because you just threw yourself on it
And what happens then
Owww
It's beyond your control
How can you hold on for love
Never

Impressions from a recovering heartbreak

As day passes there's not one I don't thing about him
And each and every time it hurts
As if I got my heart squeezed
Life goes on with the mission to let go of what was never meant to be
It's a mix of love, melancholy, nostalgy, disappontment, disillusion, longing and the certainty I lost. No matter how hard I had tried, nothing would make him love me, nothing could bring him closer to me.
I became someone else, I think I'll never be able to give myself that way again, for I'm still shattered and picking up the small pieces that was left from this. I'm afraid I will never be able to forget him. I don't think I can trust anymore.
I remembered it was all unknown to me, but it was this great feeling, he seemed to bring me peace from what he apparently felt and I felt safe, so I closed my eyes and threw myself, without measuring the consequences. What could go wrong in something so pure? Well, everything.
I blame myself for trusting, believing and daydreaming too much, how could I. He was the one, I wasn't.
The thought of him brings me longing and emptyness. Tears come to my eyes everytime somebody ask me about him and the thought of him is a constant presence. There's a void in my heart that I can't refill. I will never understand why I love him.

Waking up

I cannot keep believing
When you don't
I had done what I could
But I feel you don't ever noticed
You never cared much
When it was all I cared
You are not even sure if you want to see me again - that's something I heard a lot from you in the past few months.
So I've come to the conclusion: I have been knocking my head on an empty wall...
When I stop to think, I did all the moves, you just kept there going with the flow
Maybe I gave myself too much for something that was meant to last for a week and move on...adventures...
And I believed and carried for a whole year, just to listen that there was nothing...I felt like a fool, as I have always been...
But I tried so hard to believe, that maybe I couldn't see the true story
Just one of your tries
Just one of your adventures
Not the perfect candy you have been searching for so long in each package you open - maybe for a moment you thought so, just to find out, nahhh, not what I am looking for
I feel a fool for that
Sorry if I was so naive to believe and to try and, for all this, to bother you for so long as the needy, boring, annoying Brazilian girl - I might as well have become a joke
It just seems so stupid now
Meeting you all the other times
Everything
Sorry
Just know my feelings for you were true
But since that don't mean anything
It's time for me to truly go
Thank you for all the patience
And understanding
But that is not enough
You know that I am here
And sorry if I cannot wait anymore
What I think is a shame
But you never proved me wrong
Never
You just always let it go
Never fought
Never cared
And I know I say harsh words sometimes
But you, you never said anything - that's even worst than harsh words...
I just have to go back to life
That's what I've been trying, but the thought of you never allows me
So there's just a reason for me to open myself that much
And I already know what to expect...nothing
But I need to say how I feel, anyway, so I will never regret my side of the story...
Selfish, yes, you can call that, but the other side was as much...
Now, I am the one who learned to say: I don't care

The truth hits you someday...

For the first time ever my heart is telling me, it's time to let him go
I've done everything I could
And maybe it was not enough
Or probably I was taken for granted
And what I feel is undervalued
I love, I feel, I gave my all, I tried
For nothing
For maybes
For someone who never valued what I am, what I fell, all I've done...
I miss him each and every second, but for what? For nothing...
He don't have promises, nor plans, and the ones he've got I'm not in...
Sometimes we try so hard to believe, until we see it was all lies...I was just one more of his games, a holliday treat, with one difference...I, myself, believed it was true and fought for it to happen...
Dreaming of a tale that was meant to have a sad ending, unfortunatelly.
When I look at him, when I go through what we lived, I see a match...but I was just one more...ohh that hurts
How can I trust people that much?
I just wish it was not a lie...when it was...so sad....I believed
But when you love someone
You expect somehow to get back the same feelings
And after all you have done
The only answer you get is
"Not sure"
"Won't promise"
Well, I was a fool for falling in such a big way, because I believed!
I've been waiting for him for a year
And all I get is doubts...
That kills me so bad, that maybe, I finally realized, it's time to move on
Such a waste of feelings...it could have been the coolest story ever, but it turned to nothing...just sad
Maybe I deserve better
Because I've done everythig I could
And that hurts me so bad

Missing a part of me

There's always a part in me missing and it's you.
Some days I wonder if I will ever be whole again, others I just try to forget what is missing.
I walk around pretending I just don't feel it, when it is there all along.
Last night I cried out of your absence, when all around was happiness but still, there was no you
Only hearing your voice or feel your arms around me
Anything would be enough for me as long as it's from you
I am trying to not expect anymore, I try not to take this as hard as it is, when it's not easy...
But can I at least dream, foolish dreams, even though I know they won't become true.
I dream of being complete again, until I dream no more, for the missing will kill it slowly in time.

I cannot lie to me

I can lie to anyone, I can even try to lie to myself, but that's one think I cannot do.
Not matter what, you are always here. I constantly thing about you and wonder if there's still something left of me in you.
Soon it will be one year since the first night we met. So much have happened since, I don't even know where to start.
I miss you, I don't know why, but I do.
Wish I could go back in time and live it all over again.
But our time unfortunately has passed with no way back.
For me only memories to cherish and to keep forever.
I just love you don't ask me why...just like that.