The new me

Loosing so many loved ones, in a short time, changed me so much
I think we are never prepared for this
And it makes you bitter up a bit
It is as if part of me was gone with each one of them
It's some emptiness that feels like it will never be filled up again
It's the fear that comes with the lost, that you cannot bear all this ever again, but that you know it will be part of life
Then I got lost a little bit
And there's this loneliness and the weakness that I cannot control life
Things happen and we just cannot change
I miss all of them so much
And I wish I could go back in time
Or to get the chance to see them again one more time
For a last hug, a last kiss, a last petting,  proper good-bye
And to say I love them
Life is being kind of hard with me lately
So many lessons
So much pain and loneliness
It's weird to see how life could change its paths in so many ways so quickly
And how I just got lost in all of this
So many aspects of my life it was all from the safety and comfort upside down to insecurities, uncertainties, fear
I just hope it won't be like that and things will get better
Time heals and I have to move forward
I know I'm not the same anymore
It all changed me a lot
I feel I lost some childish innocence about life, I lost some joy I always carried with me and I don't know if it will ever come back, after being so hurt by life
I hope for better times and wish, truly wish, I can gather the strength to overcome all this
And to once again find happiness
I might be lost and broken
I'm now a little afraid of things
Because I fear the pain
I might have been feeling lonely and lost
But I will fight to find my way through it
'Cause that's what I've been doing all my life
And I will come out stronger because it was a battle I struggled on my own
With not even a friendly hand to help out
In times like these we end up learning you are all alone and how selfish people might be
I was always there for everyone and when I needed them the most, they're all too busy with their own lives to care about me or my problems
No friends no family just me
That's one thing I finally figured I never found someone who cared about me as much as I do for everyone else
So many lessons learned
But life goes on
And one thing I know for sure
I'll find my way
I don't loose hope