The ephemeral resilience

What is resilient and ephemeral at once
Can someone be able to accept and move on?
Forget the memories and the questions
Live like there is no reason why, be open for what it has to come, spread wings and fly for what life brings.
How about everything that was, all the memories, the feelings within, were they worthless?
We do have to accept and move on
That's the ephemeral of life
It was there once and that does not mean it will be there forever, except on your memories
The ephemeral lingers on until it becomes resilient memories of what it once was
Of what dreams told you it could be
With resilience the world is quietly accepting the ephemeral of life itself
Not with its worth and due value, thoug
Everything it have been under appreciated
Feelings lost on the hustle to find the one there has never to be found
Because we don't give ourselves the time to really get to know each other
We just take prejudice on our own hands
We don't listen anymore
We don't share
We just move on whenever we think it will be easier than gettin ourselves hurt, or doubtful, or unsure, insecure
Not to feel might been seen easier
Than facing challenges of knowing each other and resulting in one
The one greatest find of all
Love
Blame it on the ephemerals not on the resilients
This is unfortunately the life we have to accept today

Trapped on your own lonely dreams

Days of complete silence, when there is no one around
As days pass by you just figure nobody cares
And that you won't make any difference
You wonder if you just might as well disappear completely
It gets to apoint when you are tired of all the masks and pretending
There is no more scapes
No more way out
Your heart keeps hurting
There is no more sense in anything
Specially when you open your eyes just to see you are wandering, lost and not going anywhere, no matter how far you try to run
It is you all alone with your thoughts trapped in hopes and dreams that might as well never get to happen
Always trying to find where you messed up and why did it all go wrong
Then your body gets tired of any movement, because it is exhausted of doing all the same stupid things that make no sense at all
Your head is heavy, tired of waiting for something or someone to shake you up and make you believe again
This just might never gonna happen
Worlds is lost and you lost yourself in it
Alone and lonely, caged and shunk on a corner
Being hurt for all that you once look forward to
Life fooled you and you wish you could spend the rest of it sleeping
Dreaming of all the hopes and wishes that will never be

I still breath

We don't breath the same air
Although is the same we share
Mine is dense filled with past
Yours is light and young as the adventures you still might think you will have
My life gained one and only one single meaning
And the search is hard to find
'cause the whole world got lost
All meaningless
I'll search
I don't give up
I know it is there
Somewhere

Filling up a hole

Breathing in it feels like smoke
But it fills up a hole
A void place inside your soul
That needs to be fed
And the only thing that nourishes
This emptiness is to inhale intoxication
You clench your teeth in rebellion
For all that you don't realize
The whole being is filling that
Emptiness and you have no idea
Who else will be able to work it out
Still there's a hole that whistle everytime you keep running
Slow the pace
Still it whistles
The hole will never be filled in again
No matter where you keep searching
It will never be the one that conquered that lot

Living a lie

And when I thought that would be enough love to share
It was empty
People feel one way
You gave so much for nothing
The love you thought you had was all yours and only yours
In the end
You were the one truly caring and believing
Lies
How to not believe them
When they seem so true

True love never ends

Sometimes the only choice is to move on and stop believing without even having the choice to try
You have to forget something that it is inside you, give up love and walk alone
Uncertain of what it could have been
You get deprived from what you need the most
And have to accept the fact that true love never ends, it transforms itself in something that goes beyond passion and desire, the yearn and burn of new lovers, gives way to pure true love.
I am glad I could feel this for someone so amazing
I suffered a long way throughout this understanding, because I wanted to have what it was never mine
But that was mine at the same time
We shared the most magical moments together, I saw deep in his eyes true love, we laughed, we loved, we had to say goodbye
Those moments were few, but they are ours forever
And almost a year later we met again
It was different and magical at the same time
I understood that I didn't need to have him to love him
The love that there is will be here throughout eternity
And just to be near him was so much I could imagine
For I was afraid I would never see him again
To hug him and the few hours we shared, more unforgettable moments just ours and ours forever
I know his heart belongs to someone new
But mine will be his as long as I breath
I gave up waiting, hoping, dreaming, that we could possibly be together
Because life sometimes is unfair, time and space become obstacles for unreachable hearts
I tried to reach him, but he was far and so closed to believe
Maybe I've done the wrong choices, but that's what fool hearts do when they are in love
I felt lost, I felt desperate watching I was loosing the only thing that mattered the most for me
By his side there were no space and time
Apart time and space were my biggest enemies
I lost this battle
I lost him
But I won't let no one ever take away the only thing that is left
True love
And is all my heart and soul quietly and silently keep loving him deeply
We might cross each other someday
Life would probably take me different ways
But something so true can only rest in me
Love doesn't require reason

That ever feeling she is missing a thing

She got that thing in herself
As if there is always something missing
She runs back in her mind all the daily chores
All the bills that need to be paid
Still, there was something missing
She looks for it in fiction, on the streets
It is not anywhere
And at the same time is there inside her
There is a piece of her walking around nowhere to be found
There is the other side missing and lost in this world
One thing keep them conected
Entanglement
She is a missing puzzle
Wandering lost between light and darkness
Always with the same sensation
Life is incomplete
So in silence she keeps moving
With a weary smile and an emptiness in her soul a void in the heart

Through you I knew

If I close my eyes I see what we've been
Even in meditation my mind runs a short film of what it had been
Nothing happens that I don't feel we should be sharing
Albeit life keeps going
There is not a minute where you ought to be apart
I wake up and faint filled of thoughts about what we lived
Even though I could have never atecipate what could have been
No one will ever dance the way you did
No one will ever touch the way you feel me
No one will ever look so deep through a soul, the way I found you
And for that
I froze a moment for life

This is a men's world

For tough girls in this world, nothing.
What is wrong for girls to hang out all alone at a bar after a hard work day?
Well, it seems everything is wrong with her.
People look as if she might be out of this world...girls, guys, everyone.
But then, why it is so right to men to do the same?
Well, let's go back in history when women were supposed to stay at home taking care of the children while women at bars were looking for money...
Now back to 2014, women make as much money as men and even though society make believe we are on the same level, still prejudice is all over
And woman is not supposed to be out on the streets by themselves
Or they look weird at to you
People walk by homeless as something usuall on a day by day frame of society
But don't dare to be a girl out at a bar all alone
It will be an offense to all that society have ever set as the place where women should stand in this world
And the biggest mistake of all is to care too much about what others think and to judge people so much
For what they don't even know.
It does not matter prejudice is all over and it is already made up.
For any action a reaction
And if you just want to sit and think
Well, maybe there's something wrong if you are a woman
Judgements are all around
Each one will have an opinion
But you never ever be left alone without anyone noticing
They will actually leave you alone but as an aberration
A caged animal in a zoo
Something society never expects from women

Denial

Still fighting a war against myself
One that says, never give up
While the other says it is time to move on
There is nothing left to decide
Just a broken heart not ready to move on
Forcing itself in a weird life of lies
While love lives there screaming to be true
Of something it will never be
It was just a touch of hands
When it all began
Lost in space and time for life

I used to believe and it was a lie

I try to make sense of things
I look around, close my eyes, feel the breeze and it is all soothing.
Still, things keep to insist in not make any sense at all.
It all begins from the moment I open my eyes and you are not here and, then, I remember you have never been
The sensation that fills my whole self is that it is all an illusion from which I will never be able to heal
I became a painful numbness being unable to erase the past, locked to the world, distrustful of love
It is all a lie, it has always been
But I blinded myself to it
and now I cannot erase what it was
If only I could have chosen to say no
The night you touched my hands
If only I could have closed my eyes the night I looked right into yours and saw so deep into your soul and inhaled your essence
If only I had the strength to say no more
Here I am,  locked in the emptiness of lonely memories
If only I could just close my eyes forever to have the peace of not longing you anymore
But even then when I close my eyes I see yours

All I could say to you, right now

Tenho tantas saudades que nem sei por onde comecar
Tanta coisa a contar que nem sei o que falar
Tenho pensado tanto em você, quer dizer, nunca parei de pensar.
Desde a última vez que nos vimos, minha vida mudou completamente.
Hoje posso dizer que sou outra pessoa e ainda assim continuo a mesma.
Estava em um táxi, olhando a vista e me deu uma vontade imensa de falar com você.
Queria falar da vida, das coisas engraçadas, do quanto estou feliz.
E ainda você faz falta.
É engraçado, você surgiu no pior da minha vida.
Talvez tenha jogado tudo em você.
Esse foi o erro.
Mas hoje que estou bem
So me falta você.
Desculpa por tudo
Foi meu maior erro
Ter jogado tudo para você
Mas sabe o que é engraçado
Ainda continuo te amando.

I wish I would I could

Sometimes I wish I could say to him how much I still miss him, his gaze, lips, arms, his hair, touch and lips.
It was so long ago
I wonder if he still remember who I am..
And in times like this I would love to write him a lovely letter, telling how much my life has changed and all that I've been through lately.
But it is long gone.

Raising the white flag

After a whole sequence of disappoinents
I give myself up
Won't search anymore for what I cannot find
I regret my foolish heart to allow itself to be so open to get hurt
Wish I could learn how to harden it, but the more it hurts louder is the pain.
Wish I could just silence it down
And walk quietly along the way with my mended soul without memories or regrets.
Running away is never the right answer
It got me to just create a bigger mess that the one I was
It's not just a matter of finding someone new, or to try to tranfer how I fell
I am not ready to move on
It is something I have to give my own time
No one replaces other
And that was my biggest mistake all along
Try to forget and ease the missing in the arms of others which never meant anything than a failed effort to diminish the pain and the abscence of a true love.
A sequence of frustrating lies.
Things like this cannot be compared.

It could be real

Sometimes I wish I could tell you just how I feel
But I am just lost in all that's been through
My heart is split and shattered
There's some remains of what was hurt
There's a part that just want to run wild
I have so much in me
That I've been keeping to myself
Caged screaming for release
I had so much to give you
When I feel is not safe
I know somehow you feel it too
But it will never be the same way again
You've been here for so long
That no time and space could ever change our ways

You are a forever living part of mine

I spent my whole night dreaming of you
I fell asleep thinking of you
I deny myself of your existence
But I cannot deny you are still here
All along
I don't yearn and burn anymore
Still I long your presence
You were something I could never be able to classify
You mean something
And I will never understand why
Maybe it was meant to be
As well as it was meant to go
But somehow I feel
You are here around me
Even if only in thoughts
Or dreams

Tricks and traps

Games
Why life is all about playing them?
I never play games
I just protect myself
And for some it might seem a game
When it's nothing like this
Well, I've got the blame
It's nothing like this
But then when I open my eyes
There I am
Mixed up in a new game
Well, that's life
People are afraid to be true
But I don't
And I never understand this
So I always believe
Although I just keep everything to myself
It's hard to let go
When you've learned bruises
When you know exactly where it hurts
Even though you keep hoping
My heart it's still not a stone
I keep being the naive girl who believes
But I've learned
Nothing comes so easy
I wish it could
Well, they don't
Life is a cliché of a roller coaster
And once we throw ourselves on it
There's no way back
So open your eyes, live
The ride is short
Abeit knowing all of this
I'm still afraid
The trying of being right always becomes the wrong
And when it starts
You will never know where to stop
Because you just threw yourself on it
And what happens then
Owww
It's beyond your control
How can you hold on for love
Never

Impressions from a recovering heartbreak

As day passes there's not one I don't thing about him
And each and every time it hurts
As if I got my heart squeezed
Life goes on with the mission to let go of what was never meant to be
It's a mix of love, melancholy, nostalgy, disappontment, disillusion, longing and the certainty I lost. No matter how hard I had tried, nothing would make him love me, nothing could bring him closer to me.
I became someone else, I think I'll never be able to give myself that way again, for I'm still shattered and picking up the small pieces that was left from this. I'm afraid I will never be able to forget him. I don't think I can trust anymore.
I remembered it was all unknown to me, but it was this great feeling, he seemed to bring me peace from what he apparently felt and I felt safe, so I closed my eyes and threw myself, without measuring the consequences. What could go wrong in something so pure? Well, everything.
I blame myself for trusting, believing and daydreaming too much, how could I. He was the one, I wasn't.
The thought of him brings me longing and emptyness. Tears come to my eyes everytime somebody ask me about him and the thought of him is a constant presence. There's a void in my heart that I can't refill. I will never understand why I love him.

Waking up

I cannot keep believing
When you don't
I had done what I could
But I feel you don't ever noticed
You never cared much
When it was all I cared
You are not even sure if you want to see me again - that's something I heard a lot from you in the past few months.
So I've come to the conclusion: I have been knocking my head on an empty wall...
When I stop to think, I did all the moves, you just kept there going with the flow
Maybe I gave myself too much for something that was meant to last for a week and move on...adventures...
And I believed and carried for a whole year, just to listen that there was nothing...I felt like a fool, as I have always been...
But I tried so hard to believe, that maybe I couldn't see the true story
Just one of your tries
Just one of your adventures
Not the perfect candy you have been searching for so long in each package you open - maybe for a moment you thought so, just to find out, nahhh, not what I am looking for
I feel a fool for that
Sorry if I was so naive to believe and to try and, for all this, to bother you for so long as the needy, boring, annoying Brazilian girl - I might as well have become a joke
It just seems so stupid now
Meeting you all the other times
Everything
Sorry
Just know my feelings for you were true
But since that don't mean anything
It's time for me to truly go
Thank you for all the patience
And understanding
But that is not enough
You know that I am here
And sorry if I cannot wait anymore
What I think is a shame
But you never proved me wrong
Never
You just always let it go
Never fought
Never cared
And I know I say harsh words sometimes
But you, you never said anything - that's even worst than harsh words...
I just have to go back to life
That's what I've been trying, but the thought of you never allows me
So there's just a reason for me to open myself that much
And I already know what to expect...nothing
But I need to say how I feel, anyway, so I will never regret my side of the story...
Selfish, yes, you can call that, but the other side was as much...
Now, I am the one who learned to say: I don't care

The truth hits you someday...

For the first time ever my heart is telling me, it's time to let him go
I've done everything I could
And maybe it was not enough
Or probably I was taken for granted
And what I feel is undervalued
I love, I feel, I gave my all, I tried
For nothing
For maybes
For someone who never valued what I am, what I fell, all I've done...
I miss him each and every second, but for what? For nothing...
He don't have promises, nor plans, and the ones he've got I'm not in...
Sometimes we try so hard to believe, until we see it was all lies...I was just one more of his games, a holliday treat, with one difference...I, myself, believed it was true and fought for it to happen...
Dreaming of a tale that was meant to have a sad ending, unfortunatelly.
When I look at him, when I go through what we lived, I see a match...but I was just one more...ohh that hurts
How can I trust people that much?
I just wish it was not a lie...when it was...so sad....I believed
But when you love someone
You expect somehow to get back the same feelings
And after all you have done
The only answer you get is
"Not sure"
"Won't promise"
Well, I was a fool for falling in such a big way, because I believed!
I've been waiting for him for a year
And all I get is doubts...
That kills me so bad, that maybe, I finally realized, it's time to move on
Such a waste of feelings...it could have been the coolest story ever, but it turned to nothing...just sad
Maybe I deserve better
Because I've done everythig I could
And that hurts me so bad

Missing a part of me

There's always a part in me missing and it's you.
Some days I wonder if I will ever be whole again, others I just try to forget what is missing.
I walk around pretending I just don't feel it, when it is there all along.
Last night I cried out of your absence, when all around was happiness but still, there was no you
Only hearing your voice or feel your arms around me
Anything would be enough for me as long as it's from you
I am trying to not expect anymore, I try not to take this as hard as it is, when it's not easy...
But can I at least dream, foolish dreams, even though I know they won't become true.
I dream of being complete again, until I dream no more, for the missing will kill it slowly in time.

I cannot lie to me

I can lie to anyone, I can even try to lie to myself, but that's one think I cannot do.
Not matter what, you are always here. I constantly thing about you and wonder if there's still something left of me in you.
Soon it will be one year since the first night we met. So much have happened since, I don't even know where to start.
I miss you, I don't know why, but I do.
Wish I could go back in time and live it all over again.
But our time unfortunately has passed with no way back.
For me only memories to cherish and to keep forever.
I just love you don't ask me why...just like that.

What's next now

I really don't know why all this much is going on in my life.
I just think it's time to move on.
I have to change the path, the way of thinking, my drive, about all aspects.
I'm tired.
And for a year or so everything that I thought I was starting to build little by little just fell apart.
Nothing actually worked out, not the way I expected, or in any other way.
Just turn arounds in all aspects.
Well, if everything is going wrong, there might be something I am doing wrong.
And it has to change.
Just don't know where to start over, or how...but I need to figure this out.
Maybe I take things too much seriously, I believe too much in people, expecting that I get back what I give, in love, in work, but maybe that's not how this world works.
Life has been adding bitterness into my heart and with that maybe I'll learn to be stronger, to care less, to use the reason more than the heart.
Maybe this way I won't scare people out of my life and won't embrace lost causes, when you just have to play the game and go with the flow.
Maybe I've been expecting too much of life and it's time to expect nothing at all, just live day by day and take what it comes from it. Just accept defeat and don't struggle too much to try to make things right and your hands are tied and the wheigh of things is to heavy to carry all along the way by myself. I think that's how life works in the end and we always have to learn the hard way.
So why paint a picture that does not exist and struggle to try to make people also believe in it. Each one of us paint their own pictures.

Só queria te ver mais uma vez

Quando a saudade aperta, a gente sabe que é de verdade.
Os dias passam e a saudade continua.
O tempo passa e ela continua ali, dentro de você, fazendo lembrar o que não existe.
Aí, você olha em volta e dá um vazio, um aperto no coração e uma vontade grande de olhar nos olhos e, sem palavras, dizer o que fica aqui guardado.
Aquela vontade de um abraço apertado, de um carinho, um beijo.
Sinto uma saudade quase que eterna e isso me faz sentir viva.

It was just a dream

I don't know if it was because of the beautiful story I just had watched, maybe the songs that were playing while I fell asleep, but last night I dreamt of him. I was at home and got surprised by a message from a unknown number saying "look through your window", and as I looked outside there he was smiling. I ran all the way down to jump onto to his arms. But since it was a dream, it was my building, my house, my street, but it was Lisbon. That feeling, right there was overwhelming, a moment of dreams coming true, nevertheless it was just a dream and as perfect as it sounded, I had to wake up. Now I miss him even more, as if I actually had seen him in my dream, it was so real, that waking up felt like a nightmare.
Las night I dreamt of him and that's all I have left.

Hurtful lies and deceiving truth...contempt...owww, that's how cowards call love nowadays

I believe
Even when people are doubting
I might be the biggest believer ever
'Cause when I see true love
It feels like a shame to see it goes to waste...
People try to commit
And they don't have any idea of what this cost...a lot of effort...
Love and only love won't take you anywhere if there's no cumplicity...
And people think falling in love will solve all their lives...
Well, no no no
There's a long road between love and making it work
Oh life
I almost laugh from all the stories I hear and all that I went through
Noooo
Love and only love
Is perfect on tales, but it won't take you anywhere
It's all a matter of being true to yourself and to the loved one, even when the harsh words are the best to say, if there's honesty...
But somehow people preffer to live in lies...how shallow
And they don't tell the truth afraid to hurt the other, when hidding the truth is doing so much harm...but, at least -they think - they're kepping it safe...such a scam
Cowards, that's how I call
Because instead of facing the truth
They would rather pretend things are all fine
They hide in lies
Never thinking that those lies that protect them are the same that crushes some other people's heart for believing or for make believe all the things that are not true...
Why cannot people just be true to each other
It's sad
But I've seen so many beautiful things going away for not being true
It's sad
We have to believe in love
For it's all we have as a purpose in this world
When people keep thinking quantity is better than quality
And that's how society is becoming shallow, cold...a sad place to live...
I will not surrender and I will fight for all the loves I belive inside and among me, because what matters is to see everyone around me happy
For my happiness I lost in a hard sad fight to the one I loved...but for whom I could never feel any closer...
Shallow hearts, those that treat people as dispposable...they promise you the world, when all they have is emptyness and lies...so sad...when you belive it's true...you feel you've been fooled for such cowardness, when all you needed was an arm to hold you dearly...scammers, lies...all the ones who trully believe in love one day will fall for the beautiful lies...when they're only lies we believe for nothing...
"Wait for me..."
All faces
All gestures
Well, all fake acting
Scammers
Sad
That I once believed
No matter how close or how far
There's always cowards breaking someone else's heart
I will keep believing in love
Just won't believe words anymore, if not followed by coherent actions to reinforce the words are true
For I am tired of maybes and who knows
I do love
And if someone loves me just have to say it so and act in accordance
And if he doesn't love me just say it so and let me go
Or if it's not sure, well it does not love, so be true and just let me go as well
And tell me a real goodbye...
Because I believe, I hope and wait...feeling it's such a waste
Because I was as used as I believed in the lies that kept me having faith for the one I love...even if it was all lies, I got back from it.

Little by little

One step at a time
And I am letting go
Thinking it over
Going back on memories
It is all here still
But with a different purpose
No more hopes or expectations
Just living day by day, trying to overcome the reality of something that I will never be able to truly live
As sad as it might seems, is just the things we have to leave behind in order to move on
And little by little I am teaching myself to get over a love
And as I think it all over, I don't feel I will ever go through this again, to give my heart in a worthless story, even though it was worth. For all the greatest memories, the pain was just proportional to the feelings I grew within.
So I hope one day to keep a smile on my face whenever those memories come to mind, not with a broken heart, but with a nostalgic sensation that, right there, I had found true love and happiness.

Vô e vó

I saw that one picture and it made me cry...it was the last register of our family happiness...I could go back to that day...and it was perfect...
Now everyone is missing, most of them are gone...it was just one day registered for forever...but that keeps me making me cry...I lost all I loved the most...grandma and granpa...miss you everyday....

A scent of you

The simple act of opening a bottle of you. That's what I do when all the missing is overflowing.
I close my eyes and your scent makes me feel closer, it lingers in my memory for a while and it feels so good, like reconnecting to you once again.
I feel as if I am lying down next to you and my body all follows the yearn and burn to have you, but when I reach out it is all emptyness.
Before, I used to try to get rid of these feelings on some entertainment, in some meaningless fun, although it never worked out, because as I closed my eyes there was you in my thoughts.
Now I go through your pictures trying to find what I missed.
Going over our best moments together I can just feel the intensity of what once was.
Sometimes it makes me feel like this sick person unable to overcome the past, sometimes I just let go to what is left and keep burning it little by little until one day it will be gone.
I try to hide this bottle of you, albeit I can't, for it is the only thing I have left from you.
I wonder why we never took pictures together, I was always too shy to ask, and you didn't seem to mind. I wish I had more registered moments of us, but there are only a few, from a time and a place that now just seems so long ago.
I found you wandering in the night and I thought it would be for good. However life has always something hidden and turns everything upside down.
I need my bottle of you so I can be sure this once was true.
So I can believe that what still lives in me is more than illusions.

Too much

Why do I have this need to explain myself too much about where I came from, when I don't have the need to tell anyone why I am here today?
I had my path and it does explain a lot of who I am, but sometimes I feel [in some wrong way] that I have to explain why. When actually I am who I am, and don't have to feel sorry for that, neither explain why...
No matter if my life was half easy, half hard...it was all a big mess and made me who I am today...so I wonder why I find myself always feeling guity of all the chances I had...
When I know, in the middle there were more struggle than easy ways...so why do I feel guilty for that...
I definetely souldn't

All a simple matter of being loved

Thinking about it all I just figured that what keeps me restless is the need to be loved.
To have that one person who cares about you, think about you and who wants to know what's going on in your life for the good and the bad. I just need to be hugged, kissed and have a shoulder where I could put my head and rest, but all I have are my bare hands.
So I concluded why I've been giving myself so much to something that is not even real. I give what I like to receive, however feelings are not immediately reciprocal. If I love that doesn't mean I'll be loved back. As hard as it comes to light, this true fact is as simple as it can be, instead of this never ending maze I put myself in with no way out. The only exit is to give up and go back from where I started.
Love will always be love, even if you don't get anything in return.
Therefore I breath deeply and try once again to wash away what remains.
To cut that strong bond that keeps me attached so deeply into some idea that doesn't even sound real anymore.
But I feel bold for having the strength to hold this for so long, keeping hopes up even when there was nothing to reach out for and for never hiding what I feel. At least I gave what I have in any way I could, for love when is felt it's meant to be shared, even though sometimes it causes pain and bruises, but the best of it, love heals it all. I never meant to do any wrong, but sometimes it all goes as not expected. Not everything is perfect, why would why, I tried not to make mistakes, and in the end, looking from far all I can see is that everything I did was so wrong. I showed my worst, when I have so many good sides to share. It doesn't matter anymore, we are our attitudes and I regret them all.

O ruído silencioso

E então, o que já se aquietava voltava a inquietar e tirar a calma, à espera.
Uma necessidade sem fim de viver uma história que passou.
Os dias voltaram a ser longos e as noites de vazios e silêncios incompletos.
Não quero mais esperar o inesperado, sonho esse que serei um dia arrebatada em surpresa pelo reencontro.
Não há mais forças, nem esperanças, só o silêncio e o anseio em ouvir uma voz, olhar nos olhos, sentir o toque.
Foi só uma palavra e tudo voltou, apenas para provar que dentro de mim nada mudou.
E a cada mensagem que recebo o coração bate forte, na crença de ser algum rastro de presença em minha vida daquele pedaço que me falta.
Já nem sei mais o que é isso, na verdade, só compreendo que ainda sinto, pois é presença constante toda essa ausência, que sempre será assim, até que por fim volte a se esconder dentro de mim.

In the middle of the way

How far would you go for love?
What to do when you have nothing to loose?
Why life sometimes sounds so scary?
When it got to the point I could be closer, I started to question everything.
I don't think is worth it to take the wrong path to get me to where I want to be.
I would rather do the right thing, but then how would I know what is right or wrong...who actually knows?
When you feel safe and sheltered it is hard to move...for the first time fear paralized me...
I have to trust my instincts and do what I feel it's right.
I had the most stupid idea and now I want to take it back.

give me a reason

dearest of all my life,
yes, I avoid to tell you how I feel
and I do it all the time
sometimes I go wrong and tell you somethings
I should be telling only myself
and I mess up everything
but you know what feels wrong
in some beautiful days like this
when everything is perfect is you that I miss all along
because I have everything that I want in my life
but you
for me you are everything I ever wanted
nothing else don`t make a difference

All I did was wrong

Sometimes we have to admit mistakes and move over
Stop expecting and quit day dreaming
I am as clumsly with my words as with my feelings
I never meant to hurt anyone
My intensity is always putting everything to loose
I lost my love for all the wrong I've done
I for that I lost myself
Why can't I just love in silence
Why can't I just stay in the shadows
And hold it all to me so I won't hurt anyone
Just want to freed me from all this heavy wheight
A desperation to be loved
That ends up suffocating the loved one
And sending him farther and farther away
I just did it all wrong from the start
I lost my mind and with that my heart
There's probably a reason for that
And I believe is life teaching me not to take the wrong attitudes all over again
I just cannot blame someone for not loving me
I cannot blame no one else but me if I just don't have what I need
Like a stupid child I messed up my love
And don't know how to fix it
Don't even think there's a way to fix what I already broke
That is a guilt I will always carry
I am the only one to blame
Wish I could say I am sorry for everything I did to hurt him
If I could have the chance to turn back in time
I would do it all differently
I would make him love me more or at least keep what was there
Instead of loosing everything I had
I lost my whole world

Just as hollow as my heart

I've got to a point where I believe I've been holding on in to something that I created just to protect me
I've been questioning if this is true
Or if I am feeling all this because I know it will never happen
So it's safe to believe it's true when in fact all is just a hollow reflection of an unlived story
Something there is not and will never be
I want it to leave me and at the same time I hold to these so tight that it cannot leave me
As if that's all I have left from my truly self
A picture of what it could have been
Just scenes I created in my mind
But that actually might never be real
Reality could be a lot different
But in my heart it's all written
And is all fiction
I won't hold to this anymore
And as hard as it might sound
I'll try this time to open this cage and let it go
So love is meant to be free
And as everything in life is also bound to end
I feel sorry for the mess I created
Even though I don't regret a thing
Or maybe I do regret
The day I started it all
And the moment I began to believe
All the rest was part of it
And is all intertwined in the lost time, in what it was, in what is left, on the nothing it became

What is next

That constant feeling that something is about to happen
And on the past times things in fact changed
No matter what it is I just hope good things are coming
The feeling of peace is filling up my life for the first time in a long time
And I am open to this and wharever is in my path
I'm lighting up my path with love
And for that I know I'll have the wisdom to choose the better way towards happines
I feel like taking the right steps even though I don't know yet where they will take me to

Blue is the warmest colour

Today my heart woke up in blue
In the yearn to kiss him
Is a dream out of my reach
That I gave up to dream
I wish I never had changed my way
That night I first saw him
None of this would ever had happened
But out of nothing something dragged me to that place
To this story with sad ending
Made out of so many happy moments
And a love so true
That is hard to believe I ever could

We the people

We the people walk all through this life all alone
We share some steps, but most of it is a path we take our own
We go our own ways to see life from another perspective, to understand who we really are and who are those we wanna keep by ourside
We are challenged each and every second to prove the reason of life
Some believe it's love, others think is success, or power, money, hedonysm
We are just human trying to figure life
That's the whole reason we are here
To find a way and go all the way through it
Changing paths, getting new tastes, new beliefs
When there's only one answer to all effort
And it is love

Train Thoughts

I fell asleep thinking of you
I just got used to the fact that I will always miss you
And sometimes for a little while I forget about you
But most of my days are filled with your absence from my life
And I wonder how are you doing
If you ever think of me or miss me
And here I am
It feels like I can see you through a glass, so close, but out of my reach
Our lives went separate ways, unfortunately
Although no matter where I am there you are in my thoughts
Wish life could be easier and at this moment we could be here in this train
Sitting next to each other and I could see your smile
I would jump onto your neck and kiss you
While you are still here, in my heart, I walk with you
No matter how hopeless I am
I love from far
And that will be my secret
Lost in space and time
Forever

At the airport

And at this exact moment I am free to do anything I want, I have so many paths to go, but still stuck in the middle without knowing which way to go
At least I took a first step and here I am between worlds
Waiting for the unknown
No worries with tomorrow, with the hours, just living the now
And waiting at an airport becomes nothing to worry about
When you get all the time in the world
Who am I gonna be from now on?
Which way am I going to choose?
Where it will lead me?
I don't know but I'll go anyway
I'll follow my heart
'Cause home is where the heart is

Wandering heart

As I catch myself doing unstoppable, unthinkable think of a lost love, I jumped to the conclusion that now we are just strangers
Not a single string of contact, nor any motivation to relate, and I wonder how he's doing...
Hope life is doing fine for him.
It's some awkward situation to love a stranger, but still, the feelings are all there no questions whatsoever.
I didn't ask for it, but it grew on me anyway
I try not to listen anymore, I pretend I can't hear, such a liar trying to fool myself for nothing.
Nevertheless, it's been living out of my strengh all along.
And it breaths my air and it burns my heart and it touched my soul
At the same time it's right inside me, is just some shattered memories of illusions
What it was once this perfect dream

The new me

Loosing so many loved ones, in a short time, changed me so much
I think we are never prepared for this
And it makes you bitter up a bit
It is as if part of me was gone with each one of them
It's some emptiness that feels like it will never be filled up again
It's the fear that comes with the lost, that you cannot bear all this ever again, but that you know it will be part of life
Then I got lost a little bit
And there's this loneliness and the weakness that I cannot control life
Things happen and we just cannot change
I miss all of them so much
And I wish I could go back in time
Or to get the chance to see them again one more time
For a last hug, a last kiss, a last petting,  proper good-bye
And to say I love them
Life is being kind of hard with me lately
So many lessons
So much pain and loneliness
It's weird to see how life could change its paths in so many ways so quickly
And how I just got lost in all of this
So many aspects of my life it was all from the safety and comfort upside down to insecurities, uncertainties, fear
I just hope it won't be like that and things will get better
Time heals and I have to move forward
I know I'm not the same anymore
It all changed me a lot
I feel I lost some childish innocence about life, I lost some joy I always carried with me and I don't know if it will ever come back, after being so hurt by life
I hope for better times and wish, truly wish, I can gather the strength to overcome all this
And to once again find happiness
I might be lost and broken
I'm now a little afraid of things
Because I fear the pain
I might have been feeling lonely and lost
But I will fight to find my way through it
'Cause that's what I've been doing all my life
And I will come out stronger because it was a battle I struggled on my own
With not even a friendly hand to help out
In times like these we end up learning you are all alone and how selfish people might be
I was always there for everyone and when I needed them the most, they're all too busy with their own lives to care about me or my problems
No friends no family just me
That's one thing I finally figured I never found someone who cared about me as much as I do for everyone else
So many lessons learned
But life goes on
And one thing I know for sure
I'll find my way
I don't loose hope

The fake plastic trees

I never asked for anything
Never made any demands
All I tried to do was to reach him
Called for his love
Maybe instead of calling I was yelling
But that's all I have
And there's no way to reach someone who makes themselves unavailable
Maybe I was too blind to see there was nothing to reach for
I never expected anything but to have the chance to make him happy
And in the yearn to have it all
It slipped from my hands
I'm not even sure if it was all to waste
But one thing I know for sure
It was unique
And I might never feel like this again
'Cause it was never like anything else before
"...If I could be who you wanted, all the time..."

Awakening

It's time to start over
A moment to gather all the strengh and  fly away
Leaving all that's left buried in the depths of the soul
'Cause that's what makes who we are, all that was lived once
Life has always its ways of showing the right path
Forgivness is one of the ways
As well as letting go of everything
Undress from all the layers to be free from the wheight carried on for so long
The naked true self
To flap wings and fly away
To chase new adventures
See life in new eyes
With new colours
And different shades
Keep the memories as references
Dress up in joy
Spread happiness all around
Make life the most of it
Love and never be a coward to feel again
Become a part of yourself again
Let's live again with no regrets
And the certainty that everything is part of life's lesson
It might not be perfect all the time
But we need to make our own emends and give our best always
Now, open your eyes and see the little wonderful moments as miracles of the nature
The whole universe is working for the same purpose
Evolution
And it starts inside of us

O erro está nas palavras

As palavras são desnecessárias quando se quer dizer o que sente
E muitas vezes elas se tranformam em desentendimento
O que as vezes era para ser um consolo transforma-se em desespero
Muitas vezes o que deveria ser um gesto de amor, entende-se por raiva
As palavras tem dessas coisas quando faltam os gestos, o som da voz, a presença
Contudo, o sentir não pode ser escravo das palavras, porque é abstrato, expressa-se através de gestos, atos e atitudes
Um olhar, um sorriso, um toque valem mais que mil palavras
E toda a ausência desse viver destroi em palavras o que deveria ser vivido e não narrado
A vida só faz sentido quando se compartilha
E em palavras nada se divide
São apenas desencontros
E em desencontros morri de amor
E matei o encanto
Ao falar na dor, o que vale muito menos do que o pouco que se viveu
Por questionar demais e esperar demais e oferecer demais o que já nasceu para ser só distância

The whole existence

All I ever wanted was to touch and reach his heart
But clumsy as I am I did everything wrong
All I've done was to make him go away
When I needed him closer to me even if in words
I lost so many loved ones lately that the last thing I needed was to loose the one that came into my life and changed it all upside down
Pondering about the past and what I lived before I was searching for an answer, a reason why I got so attached to him
And doubting myself and my feelings
I went deep inside to figure out a motive for all this
And all I could find is that there's no reason
It is all completely different from the start
He just grew on me like as if it was part of myself
A piece of me that was asleep
Waiting to blossom and that I had to cherish with my whole
Something I never had experienced so far
Until he showed up out of nothing
I made sense to my whole being
And the craziest thing about all this and that I could never be able to explain or share
Is that from the first look I knew
From the first time he touched my hand in the air I knew
It was meant to be
Then life has always challenges and lessons
That sometimes we just don't understand
Therefore we finally understand that love is not meant to be for two
And maybe what life is trying to teach me
Is that I have to go through this to understand that love is not enough
That reason must be above it all
What a waste to live then
What a cold place it is the existence
If you cannot live to the most the most simple and pure things
If everything is a game, a lesson, a challenge
We might as well be born without any feelings whatsoever
If the only thing life teach us is to be colder and colder
And to stop believing in what the senses tell all over
Life as it is nowadays is transforming people in cold hearted robots
And the simple things are each and everytime becoming worthless
Such a poor existence
An unfair view of the joy of life
Which in its whole meaning were supposed to be about sharing and finding
Not today though
In these days is all about loosing the meanings and becoming selfish and bitter individuals
I've come all this way in a path full of hard work and obstacles to find out that what I went through was the easiest part
And no money, no career, not doing your part in society will mean anything if you don't ever have someone to share
If you don't have love
If in the end of the day is just one more empty day if you don't have someone to share, to trust, to take care of, someone who ask about your day, someone who cares
The whole meaning of life is not to walk alone, but to have someone to share the path, the wrongs and rights
Well, that's what I thought about life
Until it taught me it was the opposite
The whole path
We just walk alone
All along
We might have people we cross on our way
But each and everyone goes its own way
What a sad world
So many paths
So many lifes
And so much loneliness
I don't belong here

Searching for broken pieces of what I once was

Why is everything so complicated?
Why can't I just overcome this and walk away?
Sometimes I wish things could be different and that I didn't have all these feelings boiling within
Lately I am not what I used to be
There's somenthing missing
I cannot bear anyone else but me
And close my eyes and sleep
As a getaway to forget
And then I dream of him
So there's no scape
Just the burden of living the day by day
Hope I'll find myself again

She's a runnaway

And then you find yourself waiting for something that you don't even know what it is
It might be that you are waiting for an answer, or that something unexpected might happen, or you are just waiting for all this to go away.
But is just this sensation that something is about to happen and you just don't know what it has to be done
So it all paralyzes you
You just don't wanna take the next step
'Cause it might be too much, or it might go wrong.
The  you get scared that actually you might be waiting for nothing at all
You are just afraid of the new, of what's going to happen then
And then you hide inside you
You avoid the world
And just wait to runnaway all alone
To a place where you are just a stranger

The sunset nostalgy

And then it all came back
The touch, the smell, that feeling, the gaze, the small details like pieces of a puzzle unable to be set up
The sunset and the nice quiet breeze brought all that back
The skin so sensitive, the heartbeat, the taste and the music surrounding the moments
The joy pouring free from bottles of liberty, allowing the truth to come out
And it was all there
In every single detail
In each and every second
The most pure freedom
Lost and caged in memories
That can never be changed

I can still fly with broken wings

And what the sky keeps telling me
Is that I'm here to learn a lesson
Challanges, obstacles, keep moving me forward
Life might not be as easy as I wish it could be
However is not so hard that I cannot handle the wheight I've been carrying
I think is a matter of taking smaller steps and slowing down the pace
I have this tendency to be always running against time
And for what
I try to runnaway from myself
Fom my feelings
From my fears
Even though they are still here within
And I am the only one who can change things
The feeling of being all alone in this world is not the most cheerful one
But sometimes it works to figure who I really am, what I want for life from this point
Learn about my needs
Just lay down in the dark, silent
Not even bothering about what's going on outside these walls
Just searching within what I have lost
My pride, a love, my broken heart not easy to put together, the yearn to live
The world outside is selfish and run over you
People don't care anymore about the little things, they are just worried to keep living their own lives without getting messed up
People live afraid of life
Scared of feelings
Society is getting numb
Life is getting dull and shallow
Sometimes I wonder if still there are reasons to keep going
If I could I would just hide from all of this
But so I would be just like anyone else
And one thing nobody will ever steal from me is my hope
My faith in doing the right things, in being real and telling the truth
My feelings are all I have
My nemories are all that is left
So I might as well wrap it all up
And keep moving forward
Believing someday
Maybe
I will find my answer
By now
I'll be trying to pick up the shattered pieces of what is left
Doing this huge effort to not look back
To not regret
To keep me silent
Keeping me away from my own feelings
Trying to cage all this love inside
When there's no one able to set it free

Song For Zula - Phosphorescent

Song For Zula

Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me
It put its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing
See, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again
Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand
I will not lay like this for days now upon end
You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand
To be acknowledge by some touch from his gnarled hands
You see, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again
You see, the moon is bright in that treetop night
I see the shadows that we cast in the cold, clean light
My feet are gold. My heart is white
And we race out on the desert plains all night
See, honey, I am not some broken thing
I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee
No my heart is gold. My feet are light
And I am racing out on the desert plains all night
So some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a caging thing
Just a killer come to call from some awful dream
O and all you folks, you come to see
You just stand there in the glass looking at me
But my heart is wild. And my bones are steam
And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free

He loves me not

and in a few days
i'll be so close to you
but still so far apart
you gave up on me
i always tried
I'll be always close
no matter how far
but you might as well protect yourself
I just don't know what to do
my wish is to be with you
but there's no more trying
when two hearts don't beat on the same pace
and only one hour will separate us
i'll be there
you will be somewhere
and once more
nothing could bring us together
what a waste

There might be days

There is love and passion
And I had the task to discover if I loved you for real or if it was just the passionate fire of a fling
I had to put some thought on it
But it didn't take me long
To be sure that what you bring to my heart is love
With no doubts and questions
I always knew
Because you are more than just the flame, which is still burning my soul, you are someone I care and cherish dearly no matter what
And I need to know about you
And I care if you are happy
Even if it's not with me
And if I could I would do anything to bring you joy and make all your dreams come true
And perhaps all this love is just too much
I don't even know where it comes from
I just know that I feel it
But what makes it special at the same time might looks somehow unconventional
Something really strange
But then there's nothing wrong is just love
And you just have to feel it
Even if it comes with a bit of sadness within
Cause that's how love is
The true feeling you have for someone you just don't own it
And that's the secret and real truth: when you love you set it free
Your heart tells to the world
Because when you really love
You will never be able to unlove
No matter what
And that's how when I was asked about how I really felt about you
I could say securely
With no doubts
That I know where you belong
And that I might not ever see you or talk to you again
And after a while I might not even think about you everyday
But one thing I know for sure
No matter what
Days can pass by
Years might be gone
and I will always wonder
How this could have been
And wish you found your way
And memories will come to me as dearly as the days we shared
But there will always be some regret
For never giving a chance to let me show you

Washing away memories

No matter how hard I try
You are here
In me
And the hardest I try to forget
The more I think of you
And memories start to come
Like a movie in my head
And the one night I fell in love with you
Looking deep into your eyes
And we were free
At ease
Just hugging each other
With no idea of what could happen next
And from that night
You never left my heart
If only I could turn back in time
Just to live that once again
It was so pure and real
It was just us
Why it can't be like that anymore
I'm not ready to let you go
I wonder if I ever will
I only have one wish
And its you
Eventhough I have no more hopes it will ever come true
While there's love there's hope
But there's on part missing
In all of this
The true fact you don't love me
So what is lefr for me is to give time some time and cry over those memories to wash them away little by little
Each teardrop erasing a story unwritten

reality bites

what i did to him
well, that was probably not the right thing to do
i pressured him too hard
and i never got the answers
until now
so maybe the wrongs worked for the right
and no matter how much love this whole story has nurished
there was no base or structure strong enough to sustain so much illusions
life and love are very mischievous
and we always find ourselves broken
specially when is only one way
the love you give is not the same you will ever get back
and so it is
reaity bites

tudo se desencontrou

Eu só queria dizer que te amo

E acabei jogando tudo no lixo

Eu só queria contar que não vivo sem você

Que os dias são de dor porque não tenho nunca a certeza do reencontro

E fiz você me odiar

Perdi a melhor coisa da minha vida

por nada

simplesmente por existir o tempo e o espaço

Agora preciso viver a missão de enterrar um amor

de aguentar os dias e as noites

até que um dia eu pare de achar que você existe dentro de mim

enquanto lá você ficará adormecido

É uma longa estrada

O caminho é árduo

mas acredito que você não fez parte disso à toa

você veio para me ensinar

e foi na dor

algo que já estou tão acostumada

só que dessa vez me transformou

não sou mais a mesma

estou perdida

sem seu rumo

eu só queria saber se um dia você também me amou

não quero deixar você ir

mas não tenho escolha

e estou morrendo

what a wasted love we never lived - when there is true love

and then, being a grow up person, finally I found out

You should never trust anyone

Life plays some trick ways to teach you

You fall in love

you believe

you give you whole life

for lies

sometimes we are just open to believe in people

and then they say you are the one

you believe as if it was the turth

you give you heart for it

you live your life for it

and your life becomes someone else

because you just find out

eventhough you were close to life

someone is so special

and life happens

you fall in love

and then you learn to love

and that one fling becomes 

the love of your life

once you start to know him

and he is sweet and kind

he's a devil and at the same he's your angel

you love

you live

you want to make this your whole world

just to embrace what you find

then you think this feelings are magical

and that it work for both of you

until you find out

that all along

you were feeling this all alone

because the other half was emptyness

You figured then that all along

it was all an illusion

I was loving someone I created

that actually never loved me

I surrendered to something that never existed

I loved a lie

I loved someone who never was

it was all just something I believed and that I loved so much

that I thought it was true

But I know how true life works

because i don't live lies

and in some moment

I believed what we had was true

and i just opened myself to the unknown

and then i found me in the darkest part of something

I will never be able to fix

no matter how much I try

no matter how much I love

And today the only thing I know for sure

is that i lost the love of my life

the only one I believed

the one I threw my whole

for nothing

what a whole lot of love to waste

he was all lies

he hated me

while I was giving my whole life 

to make this work

My soul is tainted

my heart is shattered

my life is lost

once I found the one I love

And he just gave up on me for nothing

while I fought

and killed me in dry cold words of indiference

The one promise I make to myself

never fall in love again

no one deserves what you once loved

and what hurts is that the loved one could never see or feel

all the love there was
because all the love was gone to waste

How to mend a broken heart

I have to run the fast as I can and never look back again
I have to throw this heart away
Thay's the only way I might stop thinking one day you were real to me
I just wanted to lock myself away very very far until this goes away
Always knew what to do
But this time
I lost myself in you
And now I am just fragments of who I was scattered all over
Trapped in memories
Trying to find what was left of me
With no illusions this could ever work
Maybe it was never meant to be
I thought I had enough love for both of us
When all you wanted was a friend
And I understood everything wrong
Believing when you said I was the one
Because I knew from the start
I would ended hurt
However I let go of the fear and allowed me to love you
And I fought for us
And nothing I could do was enough
To make this happen
No i am here
Just grieving on what it could have been
And it'll never be
I made a choice and it was you
You turned your back on me
And close the door to your heart
I am just an abandoned heartless
Begging for some love
This poor heart of mine
Will never recover this time
Since its pieces are never to be found
Left in the places we had been before
And leaving me just a small piece all broken in uneven parts
So no glue could ever mend it
Maybe some tape it'll do the job masking it
I just don't know how to give this love for someone else
If I was waiting all my life to give this to you

If

And when silence break in again
When there's nothing else to say
I wait for you to change this
But as I fill myself in expectations
I just receive emptiness on the other side
I feel used
I feel hurt
And lonely
Believing in someone that
Often fails on me
In fact, I am the only one to be blamed for this, for holding too much expectations
And to keep waiting everlong
For a word
For a kind gesture
For your presence
In any way
I'm always waiting
Hoping
For these moments
And keep waiting...
And hoping...
When on the other side
There's just silence
And here I am
As always
Needing you
Even if just in words
But as you come
Out of the blue
Then you go
Not even saying good-bye
As if I meant nothing
Just a regular company
For your lost nights
I wonder sometimes if you actually got any memories of me
Any rememberance of the moments we were together
Or if I am just vague words to fulfill some of your loneliness times
I guess I will never figure out
As you come and go as you please
Leaving me here always lost
Without knowing what I've done wrong

There's no hope in you for me

If I could choose everything would be completely different

I heard some news today

And it broke my heart

I never know if I'm wasting my time

If I have to fight this

Or if I just should run away and never look back again

It just hurts to know it was all to waste

And I'm never sure about your feelings for me

It's all so dubious

Wish I could be strong enough to never look back again

And let you go

But you are my weakeness

I'm tired of trying tough

I'm tired of believing and hoping

You are never here

And will never be

If you don't love me

Why should I keep wasting my time

I know I will let this go little by little

Is just that and still want to believe

But at some point it will all be gone

There will be only memories

Of what it could be

You never try enough

While I try so hard

And that makes me cry

This mess we're in

I need your presence
And you are never here for me
I think this is all wrong
I should move on
But then there's my heart
My reason say forget it
My heart say
Love it to the most
You are so far
Sometimes i dream this could work
But reality keeps telling me
It never will
You are the only one I gave my heart to
But it is a one way street
You are never here for me
And I am always there for you
This night was the worst
After everything we went through
When I thought you would be here
You were just gone
I am not a saint
But faithful to what I feel
And that's how I know
When I was healing myself from you
You just showed up
To make me hurt
"So if you love me, say you love me, but if you don't let me go"

moonlight brightening my nights

and then the silence was over

you just appeared again as the moonlight

brightening my nights

the soft talks fill my heart

any presence of you in my life

is enough for me 

feel this connection is better than anything I could get

just makes me want you closer

I wonder if you miss me the same way I do

all my ever trying ways to see you again

and it all comes up to uncertainty

will we ever have a chance to live this story

i don't know what will happen to us

maybe nothing and at some point we will just go our separate ways

carrying each other just as good memories from the past

as this unsolvable mistery

a love not allowed to happen

a story mostly lived by written words

why can't we just live it up to the most

I would give everything to have you

but as a mistery unsolved

there are somethings between the lines that I cannot really figure out

and I think is because you are not really sure of what you want, or what you need

I just truly wish it would be us

And I would do anything to have you now

I miss you in a way that you probably will never understand
Not only in the sexual way
Which makes me scream and shout
I miss your presence
The way we could be one day
If this ever could be possible
I miss your voice
Just the beat of your heart
And no matter how far
I never felt so close
But the why
I love you
With all my heart and soul
For everything and anything
I just know I feel safe with you
No matter what
And I let go of all the pain for just these moments with you
'Cause even that is paradise for me
And what i cannot ever tell you that
Even when i am with someone else
I close my eyes and i pretend is you
That's how much i need you
And besides the yearn and desire
There's the love
The stupid little things i love about you
And i feel i am being trapped
Cause as i love
I do anything to make you happy
But then i feel just used
And that i don't mean anything
But if i let go
Is just because you have no idea
How much i love you
And for this feeling i never felt before...
I just allow myself everything

That's how I love you

You are the best thing that ever happened in my life
I also want things to be easier for us
There's nothing I wish the most
Than being close to you
I miss you so bad
That when I close my eyes I almost feel your presence
And the longing makes me runaway from myself and from the pain your absence brings me
How can two hearts be so close even apart
And no matter how hard it is
It seems impossible to let you go
I can wait all my life
Just say I can believe
I would do anything to have right here with me

Life is a roller coaster

Sudenlly everything that was perfectly planned came to ashes
And my will to run away became somehow the desire to stay and create roots
Love is what I live for
But then the impossible love
Turned to reality
I stopped dreaming
Maybe are the marks on my face telling me
It's time to stop dreaming
I made my choices
And even though I'm really afraid of
I'm afraid I'll keep my path all alone
Not for the wrong choices
But for the ones I believed
And unfortunately
The choice I made was the most unprobable one
The choice was mine
The long way ahead will tell me
What we have to wait for
By now
Only broken hearts
Empty promises
Hope to keep faith on it
But all in an empty
Very empty story
Filled with love
But with lack of courage to live it to the fullest
That's what experience do
No matter how naive you are
And dreamer
There's always something pushing you back to the ground
The fear of making the same mistakes again
The fear of not making the one you love happy
And for the first time ever
I am lost
I have everything and have nothing
And if I could make a choice I would trade all my professional success for love
But love don't feed us
So stop dreming sweet naive ballerina
Age is coming to you
With loneliness
That's the choice you made
So learn to live with yourself
And say goodbye to hopes and dreams
'Cause they are all just empty
As this moment
Get used to it
Life goes on
Just don't bitter up yourself
As life gets bitter and bitter
Give hope
Spread happiness
Although you know
Your life is not exactly like this
You made your choices
Lessons learned
Don't ever fall in love again
It always makes you die

Nicest Thing

Those kind of words that fit straight up on how you feel and then naivness hits you and you dream someone else could feel the same way too...but that's not how life works...you never receive back the much you feel...
"I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met"...I cannot forget the first time I saw his face...
The way it feels through the looking glass: one way street

(Nicest Thing - KateNash)

All I know is that you're so nice

You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dress was your favourite kind of style
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met
'Cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three
Yeah, I wish that without me you'd be
Spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
Yeah, I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep
You're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish we could see if we could be something
Yeah, I wish we could see if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl

I wish you couldn't figure me out

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly

I wish that without me your heart would break

Look, all I know is that

I do have a long short life

I've done enough
Even though is never too much
I do love you
But i think i try too hard
For never
So there's only emptiness
My life is much more than this
I cannot erase what I feel
But sometimes
We have to let it go
Specially when you give so much
And the only thing you find back is indiference cowardness and silence
I have to give my own value
And although I love
It's time to quit the pain
And let it go
Maybe I'll love you forever
But I'mtired of trying and trying for nothing
There's no much effort if you wanna prove you love
But you don't do it
You never did it
So it means as you always said that you just don't care
So go away from my life for good
Stop making me believe
And then someday
I might forget you
And stop loving you
And what we were one day
I believe we are much more than that
But I'm tired of fighting this love all alone
So maybe it's time to say
"Love you with my life, but not made to play stupid games"
So long my everlasting love

Fecho meus olhos para encontrar os seus

E nos braços de outro eu só via você
Eu fujo da saudade, que me consome a cada dia,
Perdida em outro alguém
Mas eu fecho os olhos e vejo você
Não sinto culpa
A solidão tem dessas coisas
Mas me doi saber que não posso te ter
Que o tempo e a distância nos separam
E incerteza dos dias me fazem questionar se te verei novamente
Não quero deixar você ir de mim
Já que é o melhor em minha vida
Um abraço, um beijo me bastariam
Estar ao seu lado mais uma vez
Ter você comigo
É só o que preciso
Só que me parece, às vezes, quase impossível
Por que?

Tied up again in this mess

Isn't it weird
It's been two years
And you are still here
Why did you come back to my life?
We've been trhough so many indecisions and indefinitions
It was always like this
But now even though things are still the same
Something in you has changed
I changed
My heart changed
What remains is a great friendship
A companionship
But when we are together
I fear it could all come back again
And it's not worth it
'Cause only I know how bruised I got out of this
I found someone new
But just as you
Another story filled with indefinitions, pain and loneliness
Maybe is my fate to fall for the wrong boys
Actually the right ones
But the very complex ones
Funny that you are so different but so much alike
As you said last night
It will always work between us
In this crazy non conventional way
I just don't wanna fall for you again
Unless this time you wanna catch me
'Cause I just need someone to get in to my life and stay for good
Someone to walk together
A real partner in crime